Impossible to Impress

Shannon Horgan

Impossible to Impress

            Do you ever feel like you just cannot make the cut? Or the expectations people have on you seem way out of your reach? Well that is exactly how many teenagers feel almost every day of their lives due to their own guardians. As parental expectations rise, students’ motivation and self-esteem decreases, their anxiety and discouragement increases, and they begin to have a more negative perception of their parents.

            The way that kids look at themselves can be greatly affected by what their parents have to say. As a firsthand guinea pig of this, I know that I view my parents as very knowledgeable people who know what’s best for me. Many kids feel this way and, therefore, constantly strive to meet the goals their parents set for them. Getting straight A+’s, being on the best sports teams, having a ton of friends, are all great for a parent to want for their child, but they cannot always be met. Mimi Hudson, MA, RCC of North Shore Family Services, explains that, “Parents often try to compensate for their own unmet childhood needs by setting expectations for their children, based on their own experiences rather than on their child’s needs.” When children begin to think that they are not everything that their parents want them to be, they begin to feel bad about themselves, which can lower their motivation for getting good grades, looking nice, or practicing their hobbies. Teens may start to think they will never be good enough.

            High parental expectation can also cause anxiety and discouragement in a teen’s life. They may begin to feel as if they will never be able to be the “perfect” child their parents want, and that allows for unneeded stress in their lives. A ‘tiger mom’ is a parent who is always putting their child into activities, loading up their schedule so it surpasses its capacity, and expects too much from their children. “By constantly hot-housing them, you’re setting them up for failure, depression, and anxiety later down the line. They don’t have to have every moment of their day scheduled for tutoring, after-school sports, and music activities,” says ex-tiger mom Tanith Carey of Manhattan, NY. Of course stress is expected in everyone’s lives, but parents don’t need to put excess anxiety or discouragement into their teens’ minds.

            When parents tell their children that what they do or how they perform is not enough, their kids are not going to look at them the same. I have been in countless fights with my parents over grades, sports, etc, and each time we argue, I seem to have less respect for them (for a short period of time at least). Teenagers are not the biggest fans of their parents, so pushing them passed their limits does not help them to want to bond with their parents. “Pushing children into playing sports can negatively impact their emotional development and damage the parent-child bond…he or she may end up resenting you…the child may avoid the sport and you altogether” says Baldwin Ellis of www.livestrong.com. The last thing a child wants is to be pushed into something they do not want to participate in. Parents need to understand that their loving bonds are at risk with this.

            However, there are solutions to the entire over-parenting problem. A lot of guardians today are beginning to spend more time with their children, but this may not work. When teenagers reach the point where they do not want to talk to their parents, who have pressured them into too many activities, the last thing they are going to want to do is spend more time with their police officers of parents. Parents should try to talk to their kids, and get to know what their children would rather be doing. Teenagers may not want to be playing an instrument or a sport, but that does not mean that they will quit everything. The parents/guardians of teenagers need to understand that their kids come first; they should be able to participate in the sports or activities that they want, not the ones that will make their resume look the best. Studies show that in 2007, 70% of parents with students in grades six through twelve expected their child would attain a bachelor’s degree or higher; 22% expected their child would achieve a postsecondary education short of bachelor’s degree; and 9% expected their child would receive a high school diploma or less.

            Many children and teenagers currently feel as if they are not good enough or worthwhile to most people, especially their own loved ones. Parents are constantly seen as putting too much stress on their children by wanting them to receive perfect grades, participating in numerous after-school activities, and being flawless at everything they do. It is a lot to handle for a kid. When the expectations of parents increase, their kids’ self-view and motivation drop, their stress and discouragement levels rise, and they start to have a unacceptable view on their parents. To solve this, parents should try and talk to their children. Allowing them to take part in the after-school activities they enjoy will allow for less stress, a better view on themselves, and a more caring bond between them and their parents.

 

 

 

 

 

Sources:

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"Tiger Mom Warns Parents About The Dangers of Pushing Kids Too Hard." Www.nypost.com.

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